|The real truth's of (Me)
This is a great place to give more details about me, as the Webmaster. I could give personal information about my family, my job, my education, and my hobbies and interests; however instead I'd just like to start by telling you the truth's about me. My thruth's basicly formed my testimony of truth about my man I call Jesus. He saved my life and turned me around. and for that I thank him. I will start by writing you this letter.
To those who care;
I know that you all have your own opinions and thoughts about me, but I need to tell you now. No-one knows me better than myself. I will tell you my truth's and put it to you this way. You all have heard and know through my life I have been hurt and abused. At times I have been the one to hurt. I have done many things and have made many wrong decissions in my past. This I admit to. Yet I would ask that you not put me down, or critisize, or condem me for my mistakes. That's exactly what they are and were. They have made me who I have become they have taught me the things which I have needed to learn and experience to see my truths. No-one can help someone learn something. They can only show them and help them know the way to practice something. However, a pupil needs to learn and experience something on his/her own to know and understand it. In time they will begin to see for themselves, and they will than begin to grow and mature. Now having said all that; I can say the horror I don't like to bring out but know that if and when I do it helps me to heal, grow and mature in myself as well.
To my Family & Friends,
I was a young girl like you. As a child at the age of 3 I was molested. Later in life as I began to grow and mature, I became very shy and fearing in some ways, yet in other ways not. I then became a high school teen and made many wrong decissions out of fear of being raped, beaten, or killed by a guy if I decided to say "no" because my first time that I had ever had sex was a date rape which I had been through that took my verginity. I could never talk in depth fully to anyone about this for many years out of fear of the result. 1994 I went to National Youth Confrence (NYC "94) where my life changed and I changed and most of all I had gotten saved. When I returned to my church after the confrence, I had spoke with the pastor about becoming a baptized member of the church. So I went through the membership class and got baptized into the church. To go through the membership class you had to turn something over to God for him to take from you for you to grow. So for my vows which I had given to my God. I had said Lord, for my vows to you I would like to turn over my smoking and drinking, my cursing, and my act of sex. If I had thought about it at the time I would have turned my abuse over as well, to free myself of the guilt and pain. Although I didn't. I don't like my past, nor do I like who I was but I have survived and seen my faults, my mistakes, my open holes in myself which allow me to fall and sin. I have begun to learn many of my weaknesses but only through my own experiences, and my own stories.
The first time I had ever experienced sex was NOT in sex ed; cause I never had that course, it was in experience. I have grown, survived, matured, and made it through a tough life. From a series of rapes, 1 beating a couple of stalkings as well as a random sexual phone abuser. I had remained a victim for many of my teen years through most of my life. Not seeing anything of my teen years. Only seeing what would not blind me. A lot of my teen life I was numb unable to understand myself, my choices and my actions. Through growing up I have been able to finally begin to open up about everything. Slowly begining in 1994 at NYC when I first talked with someone after holding it within myself for over 5 yrs. Then with my two brother's and later with my parent's. All this then helping me to begin to heal and see and learn more about myself, my life, my future and my present. Also begining to help me to feel my emotion again, and not be so numb to everything. I have learned and been wittness to myself and of myself. I have seen my falls and my highs and while experiencing life have also experienced myself. I know my past looks bad but in reality it's just a tiny part to my big finally of who I will be when I get to my finish line of life. To the women I have finally become. To the women God had planned me to be. Yet knowing I may take a while to get there through my choices in life, and the dessicions I chose to make, and will make. I suffered in many ways... stumbling many obsticles. All in all my biggest lesson I have learned over the years of horror time and time again which brought me to salvation; is to always open up to those around you and alwaysbe honest about all in your life, no matter how hard it may be do not hide anything because in the end it will only bite you back. So now I try my best nolonger to live in the flesh by having sex. Before I even get into a relationship I open up and am honest with a guy before the guy even has the chance to fall in love with me. Otherwise I try to live for Christ more because he pulled me up from the wreckage of all my hard times and complications, and was faithful by showing me the way and reguiding me. Yet, all Christians get misguided and back slide, and again I admitt that at times I have. These were the things I needed to learn on my own. Although in your eyes you will only see peices of my life and percieve it as you will. It may be different than the actual way of my life. Only I know the truth about who I am and what my life is like. When and if I feel compfortable sharing it and talking about it with others then I will. Although I have slipped at times. I am not afraid or ashamed to be honest. Jesus was. So now I am being honest with everyone so that they don't see me hiding in my old mask anymore. Everything happens for a reason. If I can be a survivor so can others who experience similar things. At the right time in his own time my faults will be judged by one judge, and one judge alone. So to conclude I'd ask you not to judge me and to say Thank you for being my family and friends during my life here on this place called earth. Lots of love. Thanks!
The History or Story Behind My Site
I have created this site out of love for Jesus Christ who gave his life for me to live. Also out of lots of kindness and caring for other teens who may not know the man they call Jesus. I have seen Gods face and I know his story is alive. So I will do all in my power to show christ's love through me. So that it may shine on others around and near me.
Trials and Temptations
James 1 Vrs.2-7, & 12-18 NIV Bible
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
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